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the bright aisles of c-town
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Friday, June 24, 2005
Basketball decompression, Critical Mass, and Ed serves up a hearty dish of BOOYAH!
Last night the Pistons lost. They played a good game, but there was no magic at the end. The Spurs played solid, and I tip my hats to them. Somehow losing to the Spurs doesn't hurt as bad as losing to some payroll team like the Lakers or the Heat. The Spurs play good team basketball with solid defense, and they deserve their ring.
But that didn't stop me from slamming rest of my 40 and swearing profusely after the game.
Thanks to Bill, Eytan, and Lightshow for coming over to my place to watch the game last night.
*************************
Critical Mass is tonight, so I spent some time before the game last night pimping my ride. I put on a rear rack over my back tire and then used some bungee cords to mount a boombox. I took an old-school walkman case and zip-tied it to my seat post. I can put my iPod in the walkman case, and I plugged in a headphone-to-cassette gizmo.
So now I can blast a playlist from my iPod while biking tonight. Hopefully the batteries will last long, because they are expensive. I can keep the tape player on pause because the motor isn't needed with the tape adapter. Hopefully that will prolong the battery life.
I haven't ridden in Critical Mass for many months, mainly due to the heavy police presence and chance of getting arrested. Police arrest riders every month, even though a judge has told them to stop. No one is ever charged with anything, but their bikes get impounded and they spend a night in the tombs. It is blatant harrassment, but it's blatant harrassment that I've been purposefully avoiding.
In the past month or so three bicyclists have been killed by motorists in New York City. (This press release does not contain information about Andrew Ross Morgan, who was killed this week by a delivery truck while shouting for the driver to stop.)
NONE of these drivers have been held accountable for their actions. All of these incidents have been deemed accidents, and no drivers have been charged with any crimes.
Critical Mass means many things to many people. For me, it used to originally be a big fun bike riding party. Now, after I've become a more avid bicyclist, I realize that Critical Mass is an important symbol of reclaiming the streets. Motorists in New York City need to respect a bicyclist as much or more as a motorcycle. Very few streets have bike lanes, yet thousands of people earn a living and serve vital roles by riding bikes. Delivery people, messengers, commuters: each has a right to ride a bike on the street without being run over by a motorist who is speeding down Second Avenue as if it's the FDR.
I will ride tonight, and my music will be loud, and my voice will be louder.
MORE BIKES, LESS CARS
*************************
And for your amusement, check out this e-mail Hello Nurse received recently.
You-
You're sad pathetic little band is not the real
Hello Nurse! I am Hello Nurse bitches!!
Change your name or my attorneys will find you and
hunt you down like the dogs that you are! Its they're
job to attack everyone trying to use my name!
STOP USING MY NAME!!
- Geoff
HAHAHAHAHAHA
This had me laughing so hard. Ed's response:
Hello Geoff,
Surely this is some kind of joke. No one as
functionally illiterate as yourself could possibly
employ one, much less a team of attorneys. Anyways,
since you wrote in, here's a free lesson:
You wrote:
"You're sad pathetic little band is not the real Hello
Nurse!"
Let's review: "Your" is possessive, "you're" is a
contraction for "you are." Also, you might really
want to think about separating adjectives describing
the same noun with comas. Here's an example: "Geoff
is a delusional, unfortunate shell of a man."
This mistake appears to be systematic, leading me to
believe that you cannot read. To wit: "Its they're
job to attack everyone trying to use my name!" Geoff,
where's the apostrophe on "its"? Also, I believe it
is "their" job to attack everyone. Actually, I don't
believe that it is their job to attack everyone, but
that is how one would punctuate the sentence, if they
could read.
Anyways, good luck with the lawsuit. Seeing as you
are the "real" Hello Nurse, surely you must be
familiar with the origin of the phrase? No? Well,
here's a brief tutorial: Hello Nurse was a common
vaudeville phrase used to express admiration for a
woman. Did you know you cannot copywrite common
phrases? It's like suing someone for trademark
infringement for using a question mark. I'm sure
Nirvana was quaking in their boots, hoping a renegade
Buddhist didn't sue them.
In short Geoff, thanks for writing. Your letter was
amusing in its idiocy and you write and spell like a
Rhesus Monkey. Good luck with all future endeavors.
By the way, google Hello Nurse. Look what comes up
first, biotch!
I hope we can still be friends,
The "Real" Hello Nurse
http://www.hellonurse.com
ADDENDUM: Joe actually wrote the e-mail from hellonurse@gmail.com. He knew Ed would go crazy about the pronouns. Hahahaha - Well done, Joe! We all fell for it.
8:02 AM
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Evil Beaver and GO PISTONS!
Last night Matt, Mike and I went to see a duo called Evil Beaver at Arlene's Grocery. The band is a duo from LA, and they play metal. Evie Evil, the lead singer, plays a modified hollow-body guitar with 4 bass strings through a guitar amp. It basically sounds like a wicked low-end guitar. Garry Beaver, the drummer, is a speed-ravaged skin & bones drummer who plays 100 miles per hour throughout the entire set. He is so much fun to watch that I barely paid attention to Evie. Evie was fantastic though, I just like watching drummers.
From a brief google search of the band, it looks like this is actually a new incarnation of Evil Beaver. The original drummer for Evil Beaver is apparently very pissed at Evie for leaving. I hate to say it, but when you are a duo and the lead singer/songwriter/guitarist decides to split, there isn't much you can say. For example, if Jack White ditched Meg, he could pick up a new drummer and still call the band The White Stripes. If Meg were to leave the band, besides the parades and celebrations that might happen, no one is going to show up at the first show performed by the Meg White Players.
Sorry LA Beaver, but I think you're just going to have find some way to get over it.
********************
After trying to keep up with Matt and Mike at the bar, I had a slow and wobbly ride home on my bike. I rode past Fort Greene park at 1AM and noticed, "Hey, the basket-[beer burp]-ball court is emp-[burp]-ty!"
I hauled my bike up the stairs to the fourth floor, dug to the bottom of my closet to find my basketball, pumped it up, and ran to the park to shoot some late-night hoops.
No wonder the basketball court was empty - it was 1AM and pitch black out! I could barely see the rim. The basketball hit me in the mouth more times than it went through the net. Nonetheless, I had a great time, and my imaginary opponents were much easier to beat than a real opponent.
All of this is to say, I am super psyched about tonight's game.
GO PISTONS!
8:38 AM
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
New York Chalk Art
My dad forwarded these images to me in an e-mail, and they blew me away. Coworkers remarked on my Keanu Reeves-like "Whoah" when I opened the e-mail.
Keep in mind these are drawn on flat surfaces. Special thanks to this website for hosting the images.
12:46 PM
Monday, June 20, 2005
There is awesome music, and there is awesomely BAD music
I guess I'm borrowing the language from VH1, but check out the following link for one of the most awesomely bad songs ever.
Gene Roberts - Your Undercover
As indicated in his bio/blurb, "In 2001 Gene is ready to bring his sexy voice to his rich experience, as a sex symbol musician and a new artist into the new Millennium." With standout singles It's Saturday Morning Once Again, Sweet Lover, and my personal favorite, Girl Here's The Pain", Roberts looks ready to take the world by storm.
Now all he needs is a committed back-up band for the world tour.
Joe C., currenly passing time as bassist in Hello Nurse, was actually offered a spot in the band. The band's manager said that Joe would likely be able to bring in $2,000/night as bassist for Roberts' band. Of course, Gene Roberts is actually an undercover cop and top-notch extortionist. (Rumor has it he's the kind of cop that likes to wave his gun around while cracking jokes during off-duty hours.)
We're begging Joe to stick it out with Hello Nurse, but the possibility of years and years of sold out arena rock shows attended by tens of thousands of adoring fans might just win him over.
Which persona Gene is using now? Undercover cop, or undercover lover?
Did you know...
Gene Roberts is not his real name. Eugene Luning chose Gene Roberts as his stage name. Gene Roberts was actually an undercover cop who acted as a bodyguard for Malcolm X and was a witness to the assassination.
11:02 AM
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Holy Effing Crap - Google Maps is UNBELIEVABLE
I just checked out Google maps for the first time today, and it's blowing my mind. I recommend visiting the site and looking up directions from one location to another. It does all the fun stuff like zoom, close-up on the origin and distination, and you can even toggle the map by holding down the mouse button and dragging the image.
The most fun part by far is the satelite imaging. I spent about 10 minutes looking up satelite images of every place I've ever lived. Click this link to see a satelite image of where I grew up in Detroit and where I live now in Brooklyn.
In other news, Mike Szumlinski and his band Lori will be in town this weekend. They are playing at Mercury Lounge on Friday with The National and Qatsi. I just checked the Mercury Lounge site and it looks like the show is sold out, which sucks because I was planning on going. Well, I guess I'll just have to see them when they play on Saturday night with Hello Nurse!!
Saturday, June 18
Hello Nurse
with special guest: Lori
Arlene's Grocery
8pm
(18+ for Hello Nurse)
It will be a great time, and I can't wait to see Lori live. Mike and I were in a band together in high school and we spent some late nights recording dirty songs in my dad's studio throughout college. It will be great to see him - and I certainly hope they got a hotel room with air conditioning.
7:45 AM
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Teacher Arrested
At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have givens more fingers and toes."
12:32 PM
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Watch, Ride, and Report
Has anyone else noticed the increased frequency of the "Please report suspicious activity" public address anouncements by the MTA recently? During my commute to work in the morning I hear the message at least three times.
Although, judging by rider response to the "Step in and stand clear" message, no one is listening anyway. (I hate door blockers, and I elbow them whenever possible.)
The picture below was linked on Boing Boing yesterday. This is not ironic art or a reprint of Soviet-era propaganda. This is an actual poster on MARC commuter trains between Baltimore and DC. Crazy.
So I guess you should all do your duty as terror-fearing Americans and report anything and everything to transit authorities. I will continue doing my duty of throwing Ben Wallace elbows to asswipe door-blockers.
7:57 AM
Monday, June 06, 2005
Hello Summer!
What a great effing weekend this was. I haven't had so much fun in 2 days and 3 nights in a long time. Recap below:
Friday night Jackie and I had dinner a restaurant on Myrtle Ave (Murder Ave) in Brooklyn called Maggie Brown. The food was unbelievable and the drinks were even better. I had a drink that involved iced expresso, bailey's, whiskey, and vodka. Sounds nasty, tastes delicious. We were so stuffed we had to waddle home.
Saturday we went to the Atlantic Avenue Art Walk. There is a stretch of Atlantic Avenue near Boerum Hill that is full of antique stores, art galleries, boutiques, etc. On Saturday all of these stores had open studios displays. It was a great walk, and our first taste of the summer heat.
After the walk we stopped by the Habana Outpost, New York's first and only solar powered cafe and flea market. They were still getting the kinks out, since we waiting about 25 minutes in the blazing sun for a pre-made salad. Nonetheless, we'll definitely stop by later this summer once things are running more smoothly.
I took my bike on the train to the West Village for a hair cut, and then I rode back to Brooklyn afterwards. Without a second to lose, I showered and headed to Dumbo to get ready for our show at Luna Lounge. Luna Lounge is closing later this month, so we offered our farewell in the form of a loud, tight, blow-the-roof-off performance. We were on to say the least. The room was packed and people were dancing. Mike was all over the stage, Ed's guitar was turned to 11, and Joe was absolutely loving a vintage Fender precision bass he just picked up. Thanks to everyone who came out to this top-5 Hello Nurse performance.
Later Saturday night I met up with Matt and Bill at Rothko for a drum'n'bass night. There was a $12 cover, but I didn't mind paying when I heard the beats inside. I LOVE drum'n'bass, and I really should see more shows. For hipsters, drum'n'bass stopped being cool back in the 90's. The audience at Rothko was mostly uncool - a bunch of guys wearing couch-worthy jeans and t-shirts dancing their asses off to the fastest danceable techno there is. There wasn't the stupid rave atmosphere of drugs and candy-kids either. Everyone was there for the music, and no one cared how they looked when they danced. Matt, Bill, and I definitely didn't care how we looked, because we were just going crazy.
We could only dance to the music for about 45 minutes because d'n'b is just so damn fast. Bill and Matt hopped in a cab, and I tried to get a cab, too. As soon as the cabbie heard I was going to Brooklyn, he all of a sudden became "off duty." Since I had already spent $12 to get into Rothko, I didn't want to spend too much money on a cab home. So, at 2:45 in the morning I decided to jog to Canal street to make the cab ride as short as possible. When I got to Canal, I figured I might as well just job home. I jogged all the way home, wasted of course, in dress shoes, to the periodic heckling of, "Run Forest!" from street kids I passed. When I got home my clothes were soaked through with sweat, and Jackie laughed at me. I went to bed around 3:30AM.
At 7:30AM on Sunday morning I woke up to meet Hello Nurse in Dumbo for a photo shoot with a photographer we met via Craigslist. Shannon, the photographer, took us around to various places in Dumbo for some shots. I hope some of them turn out well, because the sun beating down at 9:00AM Sunday morning was putting me in a grumpy mood. Maybe the lack of sleep had something to do with it.
After the shoot, Jackie and I went with Ed to Prospect Park. Ed's friends from Vassar organized a game of touch football, and I couldn't resist. It was a fairly intense game, and my team eventually won in sudden death. Since I jogged home from the lower east side the night before and then played a heated game of football for 2 hours, the walk home from Park Slope to Fort Greene was torture.
A nap, a light dinner, and the season finale of Deadwood left me ready for an early bedtime Sunday night. I hope next weekend is half as fun.
6:47 AM
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Thank you for being a friend
courtesy of Joe Crespo
7:15 PM
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